Here’s my long awaited *sarcasm* personal post.
Okay so earlier if ANY of you who actually pay attention to what I post saw, I made a post saying I was going to ramble about some shit. Well, my mind set has changed and many YouTube videos, The Weeknd and some sherbet later, I have different ideas for what I want this post to be about. As I was filling my diabeetus sized hello kitty mug with sherbert, I was thinking about how Tommy sent me a text with a pic of a Coors, some sort of whiskey and some cigarettes. It’s funny because at 16, 17 and even 18 if ANYONE talked to tommy and I or we were texting, we were all about the Edge life and being Edge forever. I totally respect that and anyone who does it, obviously, since I lived that way for ages but it hit me… People fuck up. Not everyone is perfect. Yeah, I am not currently intoxicated or under the influence nor do I choose to be and I’m not going to hate anyone who is but we all have our inner battles and struggles and some of us who were so proud to claim Edge will, have or may one day fuck up and break Edge. I was 23 when I broke Edge and most anti-edge people will use the arguement “it was going to happen” and honestly I didn’t plan this mental breakdown that lead to my lapse in otherwise decent judgement. No one saw it coming… My friends, myself, my family. It just happened. And looking back on it I wish I would have handled it differently but it also showed me that this is why I believed in being Edge. Out of all of the times I’ve been fucked up, as funny as times were… I can’t say I truly enjoyed it and see it as something I want to do forever. I broke Edge for the dumbest reason but to me it wasn’t dumb at the time and apparently I thought forcing myself to violently black out was my only way to cope. Everyone has their way of coping whether we agree with it or not. I get it, I broke Edge but it doesn’t mean now I have to drink or smoke whenever it’s infront of me. Let’s put it this way… What happens if you prided yourself in being the best driver and then one day you rear end someone by accident because you misjudged their braking time or your own? Or maybe you weren’t looking or looking at something else. Yeah, you fucked up and it broke your perfect record but are you going to turn in your license, sell your car and never drive again? Fuck no and if you do, you’re a fucking moron or you probably killed the person you rear ended and maybe should give up but I didn’t kill anyone by “breaking” Edge. I also learned about and started to claim Edge when I was 14-15 when I wasn’t mentally where I am now. I see things differently. At 15 did you really think you’d marry your pre-pube boyfriend? Of course you did and unless by some rare act of nature you’re still with him, chances are you two broke up and you’ve seen other people.
What I’m trying to say is nothing lasts forever but it doesn’t change us as a person. If I ever pick up another beer and drink it I don’t think the Edge police will bust in and cut my XXX’s off my wrist. I also don’t think if I never drink again that I need to announce it to everyone with a face who knows me. Of course people will ask questions and say I’m not really Edge or I’m this and that but in the end I am the only person who has to answer to me and I will live my life how I choose, label or not. And if anyone outside is reading this who is Edge and thinks less of me, fine… do so. Just know that if and possibly one day you do end up in my position, I won’t look down on you or say I told you so because I’ve been there and it’s stupid. Be true to yourself and don’t think you need to hang onto adolescent fantasies and labels and let it lead you through life. You are more than a label.